Rough Draft - revised

Freewrite:

Everyone has that moment in their life when they realize, and acknowledge that something has to change. You need a new perspective. A fresh start. A ridding of the demons that have been plaguing you. But how do you do this? Obviously you can’t just push the restart button; you can’t just drop everything. No. Even at the tender age of eleven, I still had responsibilities and obligations that could not be neglected. I had been at war with chronic pain, and anxiety since third grade, and every day was a gruelling, painful battle. As a result of this, attending school every day, and participating in soccer became very arduous. I needed a break. There was nothing I wanted more than to be given a new life; a life without the constant pain and worry. I didn't see any way to cope with my trouble, until one rainy fall evening.

I slammed my bedroom door shut with absolute malice; fully content with the idea of never opening it again. The rain was pounding heavily on the roof, like thousands of angry trolls charging out of their caves. My head was filled with angry thoughts. The bad kind of angry thoughts. The I HATE EVERYTHING kind. I hated myself. I hated my body for hurting, and I hated my mind for making more of the pain than necessary. The anger was controllable, but my malcontent with the situation was fiercely besieging my mind. I needed a distraction from all this… something to do. I trudged over to my bed, flumping heavily onto the soft sheets; however, the usual comfort and satisfaction that the sheets gave me was dampened by my anger and frustration. I sat up and peered thoughtfully around my room, hoping to pull some life changing inspiration from the knobbly white walls. Obviously, nothing came jumping out at me. No, unfortunately, even with a plethora of John Cena and AC/DC posters, I could not conjure up a beautiful plan on how to turn my life around. I felt the force of thousands of smiling faces staring at me from the collages that lined the wall along my bed. The gleeful expressions in the photos made me even more cross about my circumstance. I looked at each individual image, recounting the moments, and wondering when I’ll feel like that again. Can’t I just be happy by getting a new toy soldier, finding a cool rock at the beach, or getting to ride a fire truck? Why is everything so much more complicated now?

“Remember those good old days?” I thought to myself, “where have those gone? remember when you could drive hours to the beach or to the zoo without a hint of pain? Remember when you could go days, or weeks without feeling an ounce of stress?” Those truly were the best of days. I felt like part of my childhood had been stripped away from me. I thought stress was something that comes when you’re in high school, or when you have a job! I thought chronic pain, and diseases only happened to other people, why me?

Out the window, the rain poured harder than ever, I watched as the deck below my window was pummeled by a constant barrage of furious drops. The trees beyond were dancing in the wind, like concert goers, entranced by a sweet, flowing ballad. However, the cadence the rain formed was heavy-laden, and constant. It flooded my mind, causing static and disorder to my thoughts. I reached under my bed to fetch my laptop. It was a small, old clunky thing with a faded logo, and stickers that were threatening to fall off. I blew off the dust that had settled on it, and clicked it open. The loud hum of the computer fan offered another mind-numbing instrument to the collective of the trees and the rain. I opened up my itunes app, which took at least five minutes, and plugged in my big ol’ headphones. Even before the Dave Matthews Band number started to play, the headphones quieted the obnoxious band which had been playing outside.

Then the “bang!...bang!...bang!…bang!” of the snare drum began. It felt like a call to action, like something great was just over the horizon. I immediately opened up a web browser, and began searching: dealing with stress. My brow furrowed as I glared at the results:

“Take care of yourself, eat healthy, well-balanced meals” but bad food makes me HAPPY. Besides, that’s not instant enough…

“Talk to others, share your problems” I wouldn’t dare do that, nobody outside of my family knows about my problems and I’d like for it to stay that way…

“Avoid drugs and alcohol” Okay…. I am eleven, I don’t think that is my problem. Where’s the “skip school” advice, or the “take a magical pill” option?

Despite my best efforts at research, I couldn’t find any suggestion that grabbed my attention. Then I realized something; all of these articles were written by someone. They spent hours typing away at their computers, inserting their knowledge, research, and opinions into something they cared about. They were writing for others, but what if I wrote for myself? I had never written anything that wasn’t to be edited or graded by a teacher, so the idea, although familiar and regular for others was foreign and bizarre to me. What do people write about when they’re writing in diaries or journals? Do I write about my day, about what’s bothering me? Or do I write about happy things, rainbows and puppies? Completely unsure of what I was doing, I opened up a new Word document, and began typing.

At first, the words dragged along, sentences were erased, and I felt ashamed of the reaches of my vocabulary. Slowly, however, the words began to flow. My fingers moved quicker and more confidently. No thought entering my mind was a bad one, and every thought went onto the page. A very tiny ember of hope within me sparked on one page, then the next, and the next. I wrote poems, short fiction stories, diary entries, and memories until the ember had turned into a colossal bonfire. Sparks flew, and the smoke that rose from the fire smelled of hope and true enlightenment. Only a few hours later, I had written four pages of anything and everything. I finally sat back, and looked at the work I had done. I felt different. I felt good; like a giant cloud that had been raining on me had lifted. I looked out my window, and streaks of sunlight were peaking through the clouds, illuminating my deck and yard like a spotlight on center-stage. Not only was the room brighter, but there was an ease, and luminance in my mind. I was no longer angry at the world. I was no longer angry at myself. The collages of faces by my side had been given a new appearance. The smiles looked familiar. They looked achievable again. The rain had seized, just a slight misting was gracing my window, leaving tiny little droplets, that looked like windows into another world. A happier world; but I knew that the drops were showing the very same world as my own. It was my happy world.

The reality is, there is no quick fix to being stressed or depressed. However, there are treatments that can ease your mind, and give you peace, if only for a little while. I was very fortunate to discover that that treatment for me was writing. It gave me a glimpse into another world, while helping me figure out mine. Often times, writing out your problems and studying them can be the key to coping or solving the issue. You can’t complete a puzzle by tackling one piece at a time, you need to lay them all out on the table, then you can see the full picture. Since that rainy fall day, I have never looked at writing the same. To me it is no longer a constraint created by teachers, it is a release created by me. Although I still suffer from chronic pain, and anxiety, writing has opened countless doors to great relief and many solved puzzles.

1. Visual Description: “Entering the large VWF hall, we were struck by the chemical odor of a cleaning solution so strong that it seemed toxic. The hall had no windows, only fluorescent lighting illuminated the large space… The cackle of a television set was the only sound. There were several rows of cots and mattresses with a few people lying on them.” (p. 128, paragraph 2)
2. Dialog: “When she opened the front door, the whole street looked like a river, and water poured in. She described it as ‘rushing like the Colorado River.’” (129, paragraph 3)
3. Sensory: “Her tongue became dry and her lips were cracked, but she only was aware of being terrified of the water.” (130, Paragraph 3)
4. Writing Ideas: Barry lessons at Odyssey, learning and writing about my great-grandfather in 8th grade, my first time writing for me. (poetry), first time finishing a big book (Ender’s Game)
5. I want to share the story of me writing for fun for the first time, because I still remember the enlightening feeling that I got from it. It was a mental cleansing of sorts. I want to share a memory, and hopefully inspire others to write for themselves too.
6. I feel like anyone who enjoys English will know the feeling that I got from this. Many people write in journals or diaries to put their thoughts on paper, work out problems, or express themselves privately.
7. I want my readers to see me as someone who was developing as a person, and finding himself. I want the piece to feel soft and comfortable, while also showing how I conquered some inner demons through poetry.
8. I believe the best design for this piece to get my message across is a written narrative. I still remember the moment I decided to try writing. I was in my room on a rainy fall evening, surfing youtube on my small, noisy laptop. I had a lot on my mind, and I was able to let it out through my writing. This imagery and setting would be hard to show in a different media type.
9. The white, postered walls of my room (soccer posters, video game posters, Legolas, John Cena), the window by my side shows my dark yard, and rain dripping from the roof past my window. I see the black metal bed frame at my feet, and the brown sheet with colorful fish on it. I am on my small black laptop.
10. I hear the rain falling onto the deck (pit pat pit pat lol), the soft hum of my laptop, and the occasional bark of my dogs downstairs. The wind is also blowing the chimes on our deck, creating a beautiful cadence
11. I smell the fresh rain, and the special party mix my mom is baking downstairs
12. I feel bored, conflicted, and frustrated with my situation. I am comfortable in my sweatpants and sweater, and the soft memory foam bed.
13. I taste NOTHING
14. Characters: me, myself → Me: I am a tall, skinny boy. On this cold weekend day, I am wearing black soccer pants, and a loose fitting sweater. I am outwardly comical and talkative when around others, but when alone I often get antsy, nervous, and a little sad. I’m not so sure how to cope with some things going on in my life, and being alone with my thoughts gives me time to reflect. Myself: I am the solution searching side of myself. I am constantly trying to think of different activities and things to distract, or help myself. I think of possibly writing some poems to ease my mind, and give my thoughts some rhythm.
15. I recall having an internal conversation with myself. Asking what I should do with myself. It’s the weekend, I’m bored, no friends are coming over, I can’t play outside, and I don’t feel like talking with my mom downstairs. What do I do? Watch some cat videos? Nah, not feeling it. Play that sushi game on miniclip? Nah, too much brain power used. Draw something? Nope, I’m too frustrated and too much of a perfectionist to enjoy it. Play xbox? Nah, my mom will get angry. WRITE A POEM? Hmm….. but about what? You know, life stuff… dogs, sunshine, leaves or something… but make sure it rhymes. Bento doesn’t like a rhymeless poem.
16. The action of my narrative is struggling with my internal demons, then defeating them through poetry. I remember pacing around my room thinking of what to do, then I settle on trying to write. The rhythm is soothing to me, like music, and thinking about topics with deeper meanings help shed some light on my issues. Writing about my issues helped me to unravel it, and start piecing the puzzle together.
17. This moment was meaningful to me, because it helped me understand myself better, and it gave me a sense of calm and purpose. I haven’t done this for a while, but I learned how to think about my situation differently through poetry. Poetry has a way of revealing hidden truths, and resolving things in strange ways. This also connected me to my music more, which I still use as a coping mechanism today. I feel like I could still be lost in my thoughts without that day happening.

The Five Characteristic Features

A clearly identified event: the event that my narrative explores is when I first used writing to cope with an issue, and when I first used writing for myself. The only person involved is me, and my thoughts.
A clearly described setting: I am in my room on a rainy fall evening, the atmosphere is quite calming and relaxed.
Vivid descriptive details: I can hear the rain tapping my roof, the gentle cadence eases my mind. Me describing the setting is what best makes the story come alive. Everyone can connect and understand the particular kind of setting I am revealing, and therefore they can easily put themselves in my shoes.
A consistent point of view: I will be using first person, because the story is about me, and my internal battles. It would be difficult to tell the story any other way.
A clear point: this story matters to me, because it was the moment I learned that I could heal myself through more than just medicine. I began to understand myself in that moment better than I ever had before. The point I want others to get out of this is that if you ever have an issue in life, it is a good idea to write it out on paper. Write a story, make a list, write a poem. Let everything out, and maybe you will find some peace, or a solution to your problem.

Reading other Rhetoric Responses

Reading other people's responses made me think more about different ways to deliver rhetoric, and to deliver rhetorically. There are so many ways now with technology to publish a message. Through the internet, through physical print, through video, speech, or radio. Each method requires a different way of approaching it. In order to get the same message across, you must bend and mold the information to fit the medium of your desired method. For example, if you are making a video, you would want to take full advantage of the visual and audio. Perhaps showing images and clips to back up the narration. If you are delivering a speech, however, you cannot rely on images and video clips to keep your audience intrigued. You must deliver your speech with passion and especially rhetoric to get your message across.

Rhetoric definition

I believe the definition of thinking and acting rhetorically is communicating in a strong, clear way. As stated in the text of "Everyone's an Author", the first step to thinking rhetorically is to listen. You must be willing to listen to others without judgement. If you listen intently to their point of view, you can gain an understanding of their side. Everyone has a reason for their beliefs, and part of acting rhetorically is to listen to them enough to understand what drives and influences their beliefs. The next step is to analyze what you think and why. You must be able to communicate your stance in a clear way so others can understand it. To have an opinion you want to speak for, you must be educated about it. You must know all sides to your argument. Besides that, you must also identify what drives you to feel that way. Giving credit to your sources or inspirations of the utmost importance. It builds "ethos, or character" (Everyone's an Author), to show the sources that have influenced your decisions or opinions. These can be sources in favor, or against your opinion. The next part is to know your audience. Writing in a way that respects their interests will give your content more authority. Part of this is acknowledging the other side of the argument with respect. Like Watson and Crick, when writing their theory on the structure of DNA, they never failed to acknowledge their competitors, and those who inspired their ideas. Writing rhetorically is the wisest, and strongest way to get your message across. It shows your respect to the other sides, and your care and devotion to making your views clear.

Rhetorical Situations - Narratives

2. Lydia Questions Similarities and differences:

• The main point we all gathered was to illustrate the hardships people faced at a closer, more personal level. She uses a specific example of a woman’s own story to make a disasters as large as hurricane Katrina and Rita seem real at an individual and personal example. It’s easy to get lost in an event so large and forget about all the small factors, all the small people actually affected by the situation.
• The perspective of the narrative as a whole is first person through Brideau. However, when she tells the story about Lydia, she changes to third person. This is because she is recounting the story told by Lydia, it isn’t a direct telling by her. After the story passes, the perspective shifts back to Brideau’s first person.
• Given that we all read the same story, and with more or less the same around of background information on the topic at hand, our conclusions were all parallel to one another.

3. Connections between Chapter 2 and “Lydia’s Story” related to rhetoric:

• The genre Brideau chooses is a narrative. She also carefully writes to accommodate for the audience that she assumes will be reading her piece. The tone helps to project the main idea in the story: the deeper and more personal suffering and survival of individuals in the aftermath of the two hurricanes. The main idea is also a direct link to the purpose of the narrative: which is also to highlight the personal stories of people after the hurricanes.
• The tone of a narrative often has the objective to capture its readers at an emotional level.
• We are able to see the rhetorical guidelines said in Chapter two in Lydia’s Story. These examples help us better understand rhetorical situations in our own writing.

7. The general synopsis of our discussion was that we hear small narratives every day. We also hear stories in songs as long as we are listening to the lyrics. Some songs are literally narratives, that are written in a creative rhythmic manner. In our discussions with parents or friends, we constantly hear about their days or an exciting thing that has happened to them recently. We may not always draw meaning from the narratives, but if we listen with intent, we can understand the situation.

10. We were able to conclude that in this particular case, the videos were more powerful than the text, this was because it gives the viewer the ability to see the person's face, their tone, etc. An addition in the form of dramatic music draws the audience into an emotional state and uses it to the story's advantage.

12. Compare Narratives:YouTube Short Film vs. News Article (written version of short film)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Similarities: They both tell a sequence of events, both have characters, plot and setting, they both have a climax or point to the story.

Differences: One uses music to illustrate the intensity of the situation at hand, where as on the contrary, this is extremely difficult to do in a news article due to the brief nature of them.

Effect of the Medium: The video allows the reader to relax and enjoy watching while still gathering the context of the story entirely. Small details that make writing come alive are often overlooked and therefore in general writing (in this case) is less effective.

Summary: We compared a video to a written news article. We concluded that they both have many good aspects in their effectiveness of telling a story.

My daily narratives list

Daily Narratives:

• Hozier - Take me to Church music video
• John Legend - You and I 
• Dave Matthews - You & Me 
• My friend Emily telling about a car crash she was involved in
• Story about a 6 year old girl that sent a solider in Iraq a "lucky" stuffed animal that he took on patrols with him. 
• My mom telling me a story about her soccer game last night

Think Beyond Words:

        I think that the video form of story telling was more effective for me. Being able to see the persons face, their emotions, and body language directly helped me to connect to their story. The music and extra visuals also helped to set the tone of the story right away. I am a much more auditory learner, and having the visuals to connect it made the story seem more more clear. However, the written version wasn't without it's faults. It allowed for a more planned out narrative, and perhaps allowed the speaker to put in more information at each stage of their life.